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The PAL Guide To Carcassonne

by PAL

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about

A guide to playing Klaus-Jürgen Wrede's best-selling board game, Carcassonne, which is one of our excuses for not releasing actual music yet.

lyrics

AI: Welcome to the Pal Guide to Karka's sawn,
A: Boom
AI: A board game where you battle your opponents whilst building the medieval French city of Karka's sawn.
A: Let’s make a start, shall we?
AI: Earn points creating roads, cities and farmland. Usually the pals make lots of funny noises
P: Eugh
AI: and swear like navvies.
A: Shit, fecker
P: Shit, ah shit
L: Bugger!
A: Balls, balls, balls balls balls balls
AI: What potty mouths the pals have.
A: Hehehe
P: Charming!
AI: You don't get extra points for snotty comments but they do make things more fun.
A: Wakey wakey, Winstanley! You do remember the point of the game is to play tiles, yeah?
L: I had a nice piece to go next to that!
P & A: (facetiously) awwww
AI: When building your city, make things nice, and complicated.
P: But the one at the very bottom, at…near the lake, next to the lake from yours, that’s not connected to the mainland yet, depends on how the roads and whatnot go…but… shall I do it…
L: sighs
AI: Confusion is a mighty weapon. Finish building your rival cities to steal their goods.
L: eh?
P: I just stole your corn
A: Oh my god, dinnae!!
AI: Use the fairy to protect your spoils from the dragon.
A: We haven’t had a single dragon attack yet, this is terrible
P: Let the dragon start, the fuck!
L: [shocked gasp]
Dragon: Roooooarrrr!
L: Uh-oh…
Lay giant eggs and volcanoes to summon the dragon! Find a princess to kick your enemy off the city they’ve been building. Even the fairy won’t help you now! And let’s not forget the farmers. Points upon points just for laying your fat meeples in a field.
P: Uh-oh
AI: How are they scored?
L: What happened?
AI: Who knows!
P: That’s fine
AI: Who cares!
A: [Evil laugh]
AI: Karka's sawn. The battle to end all friendships!
A: I seem to give zero fucks. Oh yeah.

credits

released September 18, 2023
Carcassonne created by Klaus-Jürgen Wrede
Narration by AI
Gameplay Pat John, Alex Mair, Leonora Winstanley
Lion by nature
Compiled by Leonora Winstanley

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PAL Edinburgh, UK

PAL were formed in Edinburgh in 2012 by a lobster-clawed pop svengali.

Debut album rearing its noisy head April 20th 2024.

PRE-ORDER PINK CASSETTE tinyurl.com/bdd563ha

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